The Mystery of New Beginnings and finding a hand that holds

When I made a decision to enrol at Sophia two years ago, I was totally blind to the potential that opportunity held. Today I am writing about it for two reasons.

One. The very first day I joined, a new professor of Political Science was joining the department as well. I suppose after a lengthy time in the USA. Since we were both new, we found it easy to exchange fearful conversation. I did feel the connect but the awkward moments too, at the same time. Although I was sure that we could talk and be good friends, I couldn’t help but feel timid, and afraid that I was not good enough.

We took a class together. And the result were not as pleasing. My chance to present myself as good and competent went to waste. I felt continually that the gap between us was growing wider.

But then I am hard on giving up. I took another class for long in the following semester. This time, I had a golden chance to show my weakness, and vulnerability. So that if he be the type that follows through them that are strong when given a chance to show that, of course with account of time, then my luck had come. It is during this time that I started writing a paper. He happened to like it really much. And this marked the end of a beginning.

It seems that the trust that we built up from then has never faded. I think I was looking for a person to do exactly that, trust me, and let me be.

I do not know how deep he understands me. But I do feel the attitude which to me is that of mentors. A very rare type of people in our generation. I do feel the sound of him, releasing me to go out and make as many mistakes as I can, so as to learn.

Although my ambitions always were that I may be able to enter into that highest of education institution, I never felt strong to do that. But it is one evening that changed my timid attitude to brave the process of applying for PhD. He that was at first scaring to me was now the one to make decision on if I am supposed to join Sophia as a PhD student. He took me through the process, from a far, and this is all that I had needed all along.

After joining my program this semester, I had strong feeling of insufficiency. It is the talks that we held together that through them he decided that I attend the undergraduate class on Comparative Politics. During the first week, we have so many students flow into the class. It is therefore necessary to hire a teaching assistant. Although I was supposed to sit and be taught, I have began my teaching training the first semester of PhD.

I am sure the future has so much more than this. At those moments that we feel inadequate, we need not negate the fact that we may lack competence.  But we also need not be drowned into negativity that we cannot be better than what we have. All we need is not to attain the status of being smart, or good enough. But rather a hand that can hold us and let us grow. Those who can let us be might be few and rare, but we can find them anyway. Before we do, we need to keep doing what we can. And use what is in our hands.

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