Thank you vcd. I want to let you the truth. When I met you that day in the train, I was not headed to any particular specific direction. I was tired after a long day. But I felt within me that I don’t want to go to any place. I pictured myself relaxing after a fulfilling day at work with a friend. But although there are many of the people that I do meet everyday, I don’t feel that I belong. This particular day, I didn’t want to experience the same. I know it was fantasy, but I wanted to just do it and make myself lost into the unreal. So I took the train to unspecified direction, and I wasn’t worried, I was just relaxed.
That’s when I met you. My vvvvv reacted, and this might sound uncomfortable to you, please don’t give it a hard thought, it happens several times. My instincts are strong, when I am sensitive I can reap the best from that. I get to know at first sight possible friendships and good connections, but I also mess a lot. This particular day, when my body reacted I decided to follow up. This I don’t do often, many are times when my body reacts and I hold back. Because I don’t want to interfere with and scare people unnecessarily. I should tell you how hard it is to be a foreigner in Tokyo. Especially if you are a foreigner of my colour. But it’s not all the time the same, at times it’s a blessing to have my colour, and I can reap the best from it when I’m lucky. It happened that my instincts didn’t give me wrong signals, when I took courage to talk to you, you responded with all the respect.
It might be hard to fathom how honoured I felt. I deeply respected the fact that you responded to me and showed me a great attitude of welcome. But also something crossed my mind, you were possibly more sensitive than I could have imagined then. Although I was referencing to completely different thing, you went ahead to say to me that it was impossible to vcddh fdd. And this I well understood. Although you were busy and heading to work, I wanted to connect with you. You never held back. You willingly had me access your contact information although we were meeting for the first time. I felt that I owe you too much for helping my stress to relieve. When I went home that day, I was the most grateful person. My heart was overwhelmed with joy.
When I sent you a message, you were very generous. You promptly gave me a reply. This I don’t see happening to many Japanese friends I have, even the most close to me. Then when I proposed a day for a drink, you never disappointed. Maybe I never said thank you enough, but I did feel greatly indebted. You took all the risks, calculated and un-calculated. The real biggest of all was to visit me home, a long distance and expensive trip.
It was that time that probably you confirmed your fears gfd the oih, the who I am. You might have been looking for an opportunity to tell me on my face what you felt. But you held back. I felt it all the time. But I did what I have tried to do in the past. To find myself in others. The assumption that everybody does understand my nature, and how I feel. I don’t know how to avoid the embrace, but its such a natural respond. This doesn’t make it natural to you, but its so intrinsic in me.
You went home unsatisfied. Then a chance showed up for you to tell me what you felt. I again got the feeling to experience the just, clean, and straight heart that you have. Of course I knew that I needed a rebuke in emotionally treating you like you equally share with my fdserf but when it came it left me torn into pieces. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t have said it, actually I appreciate you the more. For the first time, I was able to tell another person fdsd I gf. It has never happened to me with any of my cdfg. But somehow I have been looking for a moment like that. I know if I can tell a friend about me I could find some fghiuj, and that is what I was looking for when I first met you.
I was after a friend who I won’t be afraid of telling him the weakness in me. Somebody who doesn’t wear me off, but doesn’t have necessarily to share with me what I feel. When you texted me, I knew I was not going to feel good at first, but I also sensed that it was one step towards rediscovering myself. Some people think of people of my gfffc as not hgdfc in the society. That is because most of us conduct ourselves in that manner. I do have my dignity that I want to preserve at all cost. But maintaining it has been tough. I have thought of giving up most of the times. But somehow I do find finer treasures in me that give me strength. This time I thought that I had exhausted all of them, hence I needed to shut myself in, shoot myself and ooze into thin air, disappear and never to be seen again. But then I felt like I could find some more healing. So when you said what I had feared most, what I never wanted anybody to vcgfhjhk, I thought maybe a time to a second chance had come. When I said yes, I actually thought that I should have given a philosophical answer, or create a theory. This I’m good at. But I decided to say to you the truth. I don’t why.
This is because I once again trusted the feeling that you are different. That you can understand me, listen to me, and walk with me. Yu don’t have to respond to me, or my emotional demands. It’s me to deal with that. I do it every single day. But a friend to walk with is a need that I have. One that overlooks me not. I’m not planning to be weird in any way. I for real emotionally respond to want my bjhghf demands, but I think the inner me is totally different. Of the greatest requests is that I don’t want to be treated weak, or special. I am strong, but weakened by my realities. I need a friend to help me face myself, and feel a presence of non nhjomjh caring company. For reasons not stated here, all my good ghfgdgd can’t get this. But you might, and if you’ve for the strength to do that, I’ll be very appreciative.
By the way, for all the mess I might have caused I’m terribly sorry. May there be grace to forgive and undone the I.