A week ago, on a Monday morning, I received a short message on my phone. The sender’s details were not registered on my phone. Therefore the message wasn’t clear to me at least in the sense of who the sender was. I went ahead to inquire the name. I become clear that it was my Kenyan friend (sic) from church. “I need to talk to you next Sunday,” that was the key of the text.
My heart anticipated much. Better talk. I thought to myself. The finally somebody from this community was willing to take me by my hand and help me integrate. I took time to prepare for a possible response on potential coercing of commitment.
This morning I didn’t want to miss church by all means. Although I did not want anybody getting me so involved in the religious community on one hand, I was happy in the other because I attache so much value to community of believers.
When the sermon ended, I moved to where the person was seated. He is always very busy taking to almost everybody. I do admire this ability. And passion if it is. The opening of the conversation was quite discouraging. I didn’t see any sense in the talk. But then also noticed it’s not about the topic but a struggle from him to self express.
We got interrupted now and then. And I told myself that it doesn’t seem to be any valuable talk anyhow. Something changed as he suggested that we move to a place of no disturbance.
“Last week I wanted to talk to my wife.” I almost arrogantly asked what that had to do with me. But that was the the content of the talk. I fully understand that men are jealous and guard jealously what they have gotten over years. Especially if that thing be a woman. And I also fully admit that the woman I’m accused of being a barricade to talk to the husband was the closest to me, in the context of this community.
This however where my concern lies.
I have categorically chosen not to talk to people here. Primary reason being that none will be willing to negotiate the meaning of faith to me. As the first invitation to hold a talk I was genuinely expecting not a confrontation but a pathway to open up meaningful relationship.
So if you have accused me of flirting with your wife, will you stand if I tell you that if only be jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj? Would you stand that my feelings are for you, or more appropriately , that I find vvvvvvvvv to me.
Your accusation have not hurt me. They only confirmed that the narrative of this community would only serve to crush me. That the love we talk of all the time is not either understood clearly or echoes meanings which are blurred to me.
I want you to carefully notice my response to your accusation. You can count on me on two things: that I will completely shut myself off from you and your community. And in the circumstance that I have s strength to stay, I’ll be absent while present.
And lastly, please let me know the other guy. The one who testified that I’m suspicious. I’d love to meet him and see if he’s attractive to me.